Smells Like Pickles

The other night, after brushing my teeth, I crawled into bed and snuggled up next to the husband.

"What have you been eating?" he asked with a look of disgust on his face.

"Nothing! I just brushed my teeth. Why?" I responded, a little hurt by his question.

"Your breath smells like pickles," he said, still with that look.

"Fine," I thought. "No sex for you tonight."


I rolled over to my side of the bed and went to sleep. I vaguely remember him asking me what he had done to make me mad as I drifted off to sleep.

A couple of days later, the daughter rudely burst into the bathroom as she's known to do when I'm in there. I was brushing my teeth, and she began to ask me something about this, that, or the other, when all of a sudden she stops and says, "It smells like pickles in here."

Whaaaa??

I spit and rinsed, than asked her to repeat herself.

"It smells like pickles in here. What did you cook downstairs?" she asked hoping it was something she liked.

"I didn't cook anything," I said, narrowing my eyes into slits while clenching my teeth.

She continued on with whatever it was she had come in the bathroom to discuss and left.

I took the tube of toothpaste out of the medicine cabinet to make sure I wasn't brushing with something other than the "Close-Up" toothpaste I had bought. You know the brand. It's the only one that has a cinnamon-y flavor and a silhouette of a couple kissing on the package. I'm the only one in the family that likes this toothpaste, so I'm quite happy to have the tube all to myself, free of the dried toothpaste goobers and lost caps that plague the other tubes in the downstairs bathroom where everyone else brushes.

Didn't Close-Up used to have something about being "kissably fresh"? How the hell is someone supposed to be kissably fresh when they smell like pickles?

Here's an old Close-Up commercial. Seriously. These people must all love pickles.